Today I submitted a short story.
It probably won’t get accepted, these things generally don’t first time, but that wasn’t really the point. As 2013 draws to a close, it was one of the ways I have of flipping this awful, dreadful, f***ing furnace of a year the bird. Unable to write much for most of the year as it mauled me in pretty much the worst way imaginable and struggling to see a future.
On a whole range of things, it’s been very hard not to see the universe as slapping me down hard, saying: No, that’s not for you, keep your head down and know your place.
I refuse.
The running was part of my answer, a small measure of control being taken back and a way to quiet my mind when all other tactics failed me. As an aside, I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to get back to writing, I think I had trouble forgiving that part of me for deserting me when I needed it most. It’s hard to pour some of yourself into a story when most of you is scattered all over the floor like broken china.
There have been other projects, some on going, some collaborative, that are also part of the answer to my own personal annus horribilis. It all boils down to the same thing. I will not give up. I will not give in.
Statistically speaking, everyone gets bad years, it just happens. 2013 seems to have been nasty for quite a few people. Often, these bad years are beyond your control and it would be tempting to throw your hands up and say, “why bother?” This is a mistake. That bad things can happen beyond your control does not mean you have no control at all, you can make your own luck and, yes, it will be hard, but it’s the only answer I’ve found. It’s the best release for the anger.
Bye 2013. You hurt. But I AM STILL HERE.