For those of you visiting London for the first time, whatever system you derive from originally, you should familiarise yourself with the following tips:

1. The use of telepathy and indeed indicators is forbidden; instead you are required to use the Terran ritual custom called “guessing”.

2. There are a number of human greetings for fellow drivers ranging from the simple one finger salute to the more complex rhythmic flick of the wrist. You should learn as many as possible and remember that status is conferred for original combinations.

3. You will note an orange lifeform called “cones”. These are parasitic organisms that live off the road and reproduce at a fierce rate. They should be avoided wherever possible and never exposed to bare skin – unless you like the idea of one growing out of your head.

4. Where roads intersect you may often find yourself facing a black pole upholding a black box filled with lights. Despite much analysis we have been unable to determine the underlying logic for these light boxes or any meaningful pattern. You should ignore them as the natives do.

5. You will also observe that some Terrans are riding small, manually powered, two wheel conveyances. Such locals are wanted criminals and rewards are offered for each one you kill: you know what to do.