Flotsam:

I always remembered the US as being big, I put this down to me being 14 the last time I was here but what I hadn’t factored in was that I haven’t actually grown since i was 14.

I was 5’6 then and I’m 5’6 now. I am the shortest person here. I have to climb up onto the bed, I need a stepladder to use the sink and I can swing my legs on most chairs.

I also have hairy toes and a wild tangle of hair. Ladies and gentleman: I am a hobbit.

I may have overdone the lemsip today. It’s hard to know I can’t see the shelf from down here.