1. Attempting to eat Haribo whilst driving may help keep you awake but E numbers and Metallica do not a law abiding driver make…
2. Everyone else on the motorway is out to kill you…never forget this.
3. When purchasing Chinese take away, ensure girlfriend has not just made up the name of the restaurant to confuse you before driving to the wrong establishment, this saves time and embarrassment later.
4. Do not leave chocolate on your laptop for later: laptop get hot, chocolate melt, laptop – unlike Neil – does not run on chocolate.
5. Do not stand downwind of parent’s dog after she has eaten. Not if you like breathing.